A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
