I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
