Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
