Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
