hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
