it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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