So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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