Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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