They should really pass out barf bags in church
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize