they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
