So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
