I must be too annoying 4 u.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
