I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
