You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
