I'm jealous of your bromance
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
