the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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