Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
