i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
