Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we made out on top of his cat.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
