Can i not drive my cunt home
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
