I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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