I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
