I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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