i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
