why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
