R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize