Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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