So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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