Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
