Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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