I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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