If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize