Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
