I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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