my mouth tastes like poor choices
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So many bounce houses so little time
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize