I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
