We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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