and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
