i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
