The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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