You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
