We won't sleep together?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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