This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
