ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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