Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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