I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
