I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
