There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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