It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize