And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
