well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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