I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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