Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
