I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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