I faked an abortion last night.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
