I feel great
I just peed on a car
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
