I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
