walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
