I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
