I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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