I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
